A whole new world...well sort of.

It has been almost a month since I moved to Eugene. It feels like it has been longer than that which probably means that I am settling fairly well. I am getting used to being on my own. The hardest part is coming home to an empty house. I need a plant or a fish. I was going to pick an orchid that my complex has out by where I park but I wasn't sure how well that would go over. And of course someone else picked them. They are all gone. They were really pretty too.
Anyways, classes are going fairly well. Spanish is the hardest for me and it's not that it is too difficult it's just a matter of spending the time to learn the vocabulary. I got a 95% on my statistics exam. That made me happy because I am really enjoying that class.

I went to a show tonight called "Mixed" by Maya Lilly performed by Christina Mosses. It was a really interesting one woman show that portrayed these nine characters. The characters are fiction and non-fiction based on over 200 interviews that Maya Lilly did with people of mixed ethnicity. I enjoyed hearing about such a 'hush-hush' topic and watching Christina Mosses perform. She did an amazing job getting into each character and really expressing the pain that they felt. I suppose that it also made me look at my own identity which kind of made me a little frustrated and annoyed that I don't really know anything about my own ethnicity. And the identity I have, was created in predominately white areas so I have little to know experience with diversity in either ethnicity or general ideas that people have. The people in my life are more like myself than I have realized which has given me a very narrow idea about the world. So throughout all of this, I have decided that I need to move away from small towns after I graduate. I need to submerge myself in a completely different culture than what I have known here in the greater Northwest. I think it will not only help me as a person but also help me in the work that I want to do. Eugene is probably a good stepping stone for that but that is all that it is. A stepping stone. There is so much for me to learn and some places are better than others for that.

Anyways, between work and school I am staying pretty busy. Hanging out with a few friends that I have made. I will try to update more often but no promises on that. :)

Quick Update

I am headed for the great unknown called Eugene. I have been accepted to the University of Oregon and I will be moving at the end of the month. It is such an exciting time in my life because it will be the first time that I am really on my own. I have done the whole moving out with my boyfriend thing but I always end up right back at my parents house. I have been approved to move into a 1 bedroom/1 bath apartment but I have to go view it on Tuesday...hopefully I like it. Who am I trying to fool, I will take anything at this point. So yeah. I will probably crash on Ann's couch for a week and then move into the new place the second week of school. It's going to be a crazy, hectic first few weeks of school. I really just want to get over there and get this show on the road. So wish me luck on that part of my life!!

The other exciting part of my life is that I am dating someone again. It's moving really fast with us but he is the best man that I have ever dated. (yeah that sentence sounds kind of weird). He lives in Yelm which is 270 miles away or a 5 hour drive. I never imagined being able to handle a long distance relationship but it is actually working out kind of well. He has a seven year old daughter so it gives him time to be able to focus on her, and me time to focus on school and what I want to achieve in life. Don't get me wrong, some days are extremely hard. But it is making this one of the strongest relationships I have had. There is so much more communication involved in this relationship, which is different than any other that I have had.
Yep, that is the quick update of my life at the moment. I will try to keep up on this a little bit more, key word "try."

Car Rides.

For those who don't know, I live 30 miles from Bend and this is where all the action is. I go to school in Bend, I work in Bend, all my friends are in Bend. So it turns out that I drive to Bend at the very least six days out of the week. And most of the time it's everyday. Anyways, this gives me a lot of time to think and when I say a lot, I really mean A LOT!!!! The bad part of this is that I can't write down what I am thinking, and what I am thinking about are really liberating subjects. I am attending a course call Race, Class, & Ethnicity. I swear that with every book we have read and every lecture I have attended, that I feel more knowledgeable about our society and exactly how much it influences everyone's lives.

We have recently been talking about racism and it's amazing how Whites have such an advantage over minorities and we, or at least I, don't realize it. I am currently working on a paper for my research writing class and the topic I chose is about how class affects health and education as well as how the media represents the different class levels. And as I started exploring this topic more and more, I noticed that race has just as large of an affect as class does. Basically that they go hand in hand in some if not most cases. As my professor explained tonight, sociologists can't just choose one to look at, that gender, race, and class are all dependent on each other and affect one another.
The book that we read that talks about racism is called "Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?" by Beverly Daniel Tatum. This book only skims the subject of racism but it is written with experiences that help to relate the issues to the audience. Tatum also brings up the fact that Whites need to go through a similar process of racial identity that people of color experience. This book is a good quick read and I recommend everyone take at least a look at it and especially if they are a parent or are going to be. The first five chapters focus on children and adolescents and their experiences with racial identity.

Before I quite my rant about how liberated I feel after being apart of this class I wanted to point out an observation I had while reading this book. On page 146, Tatum talks about how in the 1940's and 1950's, the "federal Indian policy shifted again, this time with the goal of terminating the official relationship between the Indian nations and the U.S. government." She goes on to say that many Indians were relocated to to urban areas like that had been earlier in history. So what strikes me as odd, is that a similar situation had happened in the past where all of the Native American's children were taken from them, this resulted in a lot of lost culture as well as children having an unstable childhood which leads into unstable adulthood. So my point here, is that it's amazing that we believe we are doing what is right at the time, but when we look back on history we are ashamed at what we have done. We repeated a similar process that didn't work in the first time so why would it work a second. So in 50 years am I going to look back and be ashamed of what I voted for, believing that it was right no matter what the issue at hand is? Who knows. But I am hoping that by getting my education and staying informed on our country and government that I will be able to help reverse this, that I won't allow history to repeat itself in a way that does harm to any race, gender, or class.

Just a quick one.

I just wanted to get this on here because it has been forever since I got my tattoo and it needs to be shared with the world.
The message behind it is to not take anything for granted no matter how small it is. I miss Wilber so much but I know that he had a great life and it was time for him to move on, but this tattoo is just a reminder of how much he really affected my life. Hope you like it!

New Start

So this morning I want to the Natural Mind Dharma Center here in Bend. It's the second time I have been and I am fascinated by it. I am writing a paper on Buddhism for my Sociology of Religion class but I can tell that my interest for Buddhism will exceed beyond this paper.
I have never thought of myself as a religious person, and I still don't think that I really am, but for this moment in my life I am thinking that this is what I need. Buddhism isn't just a religion but it is a different way to think of life. I have not gotten far on this paper, nor have I even started it because we all know that I procrastinate, but it is definitely something I will continue to pursue.
Anyways, Other than school and work there isn't much else going on. I applied at UofO and haven't heard to much back from them and I also applied at the OSU Cascade campus here in Bend and of course haven't heard anything back on that either. Oh well, as soon as spring break hits I will get more focused on that situation in life. I have a lot due all within the next few weeks. Mostly just two somewhat large papers but they will get done.
I have been seeing someone, well kind of. I'm not exactly sure what I want in a relationship right now but he is a positive piece in life.
My parents are going up to Washington for a few days. I am excited to have the house to myself. I miss living on my own and really need a few days to unwind before finals begin.
Alright, I have to go do this paper. Wish me Luck!

Not really sure.

So I really don't know where I am going with this blog. I usually have something that I want to talk about but that isn't the case tonight. The swelling on my left cheek is going down slowly but my right cheek is still pretty big and bruising a little bit. But hopefully it will be gone soon enough.



I turned in my research proposal for my research writing class. I am so relieved that it is done and turned in. I don't have to freak out about that for a while. Of course we get it back and can revise it if we want, but for now it is done. I know that I have been on pain medication for a few days but even before that it always seems like my brain is in a fog when I start to do school work. Nothing ever seems to be clear and I don't seem to retain it as well as I should, or at least I think I should. It becomes frustrating when you did well in high school but can't seem to make sense of what you are learning in college. Looking back now, I wish I would have done running start in high school. The friendships I made during that time are irreplaceable but at the same time, I am struggling now because I wasn't pushed when I should have been.

I find it hardest to be on the computer doing homework and not having a messenger window open as well. It's ridiculous how addicting it can become and how I can't focus because I am thinking that I need to be on it. I'm guessing if I practice self control and devote my time more appropriately, the fogginess will start to clear a little bit. I don't want to just glide through these classes, I want to learn and retain this information to use later.

Well I got my wisdom teeth out today. All four at once. I think that was the best choice. I'm not a huge fan of not being able to eat what/when I want to, so yeah. I never realized how much of a control freak I am in that part of my life. OH and they told me I couldn't have dairy for the first 24 hours which I didn't think would bother me but I was kind of upset about it. A glass of cold milk is what I need sometimes and of course ice cream, which I have tons of in the freezer. Oh well, I guess tomorrow will come soon enough. I asked to keep my teeth. Everytime someone brought that up they just had this funny look on their face. Eh, oh well. They are really mine so why wouldn't I want them. I'll take pics and post them tomorrow. There isn't too much swelling in my cheeks. It's bearable.
Alright. Enough ranting. I'll do better tomorrow.